This was the shortest Clubflat weekender in recent years so the amount of memorable moments is testament to what a ridiculously enjoyable weekend this was.  Twitter was taken by storm when Stu F set up a Clubflat Stag Do feed and started tweeting (or 'twinning' as Fun Bobby called it) celebrities from all over the world to tell them what a great time we were having and to come along and join in... one of the proudest moments being a tweet to The Pope.  The full weekend's ridiculous moments below have been lovingly put together by all of the D-Tox Stag Do Newquay Clubflat Team and will, along with the many other merry memories created over the years, go down in Clubflat history.  Read and enjoy.

85 Hilarious Moments

1. The hurricane force gusts of wind on the A30 on the way down that constantly threatened to throw Chuggsy into the verge or into an oncoming bridge, followed by a not too reassuring chuckle from Image every time he fought the wheel to avoid the potential disaster.

2. Arriving at Kirribilli – 2 cans of lager already rolling down Raj’s car park within seconds. Then walking inside to see the car park on CCTV, clear as day.

3. In Kirribilli, Raj the lying scumbag owner starting off each one of his lies with "what it is yeah..." before blaming the whole thing on his wife whilst he was 'away on business'.

4. In Kirribilli whilst confronting Raj, Shag piping up with "If you’ve already double-booked 13 people, why have you STILL got a sign on the door saying Vacancies?".
5. The Kirribilli being called "Kiri-terribilli", "Killi Billi", "Killi Billi Volume 1" and the "Raj Mahal".

6. Raj offering a free pint out of goodwill if we wanted to stop by in the evening (clearly a ploy to get us in his bar spending money), until Bluff interjects sharply "I’LL HAVE ONE NOW!". Cut to Raj then taking 15 minutes to pour 13 pints there and then.

7. Getting the most out of Raj's offer to pay for us to use Pete’s Taxi’s to get in and out of town... Shag telling Pete that later in the evening we want a taxi back each.
8. The alternative digs at the Offshore Hotel being referred to as the "Off-Colour Hostel", "The Hostel", "The Chalet" and at times "The Van".

9. Stu, Laze and Shag arriving at room 16 of the Off-Colour Hostel to find one towel between three.

10. Finding that the other rooms were in the same towel predicament with an ensuing scramble in the lobby to grab one of the last few towels the management had found, only to find that they were hand towels anyway.

11. Happy Larry getting Hero, Image and himself into Walkabout for free on the first night because we told the kiosk girl he was Professor Brian Cox.
12. Kiosk girl in Walkabout asking Happy Larry for I.D. to prove he was Professor Brian Cox; Happy Larry handing over 3 credit cards (as if the name on them would magically change), the kiosk girl then saying... "Foot??".  Then stamping our hands and ushering us in free anyway.
13. Happy Larry getting Hero, Shag and himself into Walkabout for free again on the second night when Hero asked the same kiosk girl if she would let "Our Brian" in again.
14. The ridiculous mosh-pit to 'Teen Spirit' in Walkabout on the first night with some scared bloke huddled up against the stage shielding his missus and shouting "STOP!".
15. Chuggsy breaking down up the big hill in Newquay on the first day.

16. Leaving Newquay in Chuggsy via the same big hill on the last day, Image suddenly saying "Oh no, breakdown hill". Cut to Chuggsy breaking down in exactly the same spot at the lights, then moments later in the middle of the intersection of all places.
17. The General saying "What time do you want me to get you up for press-ups in the morning, 5am or 6"?
18. Whilst watching TV in the room, Electro Kid saying to Happy Larry "Have you seen Big Bang Theory, it’s ace". Happy Larry: "No". Electro Kid, ever so casually: "Why not, I thought you were into stars and stuff" (a reference to his Brian Cox persona).
19. Laze, Bluff and Stu being shat on by a 60mph incoming bird poo missile and the realisation after that the mess that hit their shirts (and Bluff's face) was simply the outer froth of the main payload now stuck to the window in between Laze and Stu's heads.
20. The General's food anger.
21. The state of Electro Kid's "forfeit shirt" by the end of the night.
22. D-Tox being allowed out of Walkabout to smoke by the door, but not being allowed back in for being too drunk.
23. Stopping at every single services on the way home in Chuggsy because someone in the van always needed a poo.
24. Stopping twice in Chuggsy for poo's before we had even got out of Newquay.
25. Getting sunburnt at Fistral Beach bar and thus having to go out on the evening with stupid looking tans in the shape of t-shirt's and sunglasses.
26. Quick Buck hustling two locals at table football in Belushi's who were really good as a pair, but then were stupid enough to play Quick Buck one-on-one, resulting in annihilation of both and some head scratching as they walked off rather bemused.
27. Hero going to use Laze/Shag/Stu's loo, rapidly coming straight back out due to the horrific smell already in there and picking up the first piece of clothing he saw to breathe through and block the smell, only for Laze to exclaim "That’s my bird poo covered t-shirt and you just put the exact poo spot right on your nose".
28. The General trying to coax any fool who was vulnerable enough to walk, walk, walk.

29. The General constantly telling us to get food.
30. Stu, Laze and Shag having the unfortunate encounter with the 'sex witch', a demented woman wandering on her own in the daytime who followed them so she could tell them intricate details of the highly unusual sexual activities she got up to with her bloke/gimp-slave.
31. The constant reminders to Electro Kid of his favourite Barcelona stag do tipple - Brandy.
32. Bluff falling out of the taxi.
33. Our mornings being completely wasted waiting for breakfasts... Quick Buck still waiting for his.
34. Shag and Stu finding Electro Kid asleep on the stairs on the Friday night with his shirt open, then walking him around the middle floor trying to get him into room 6 (where he said he was staying) in order to be sick, only to find out the next day he was staying in room 15.
35. Realising that getting Electro Kid into room 6 was a fruitless exercise and so putting him back where he was found on the stairs.
36. The General wanting to walk to burn off the calories just so he could eat again.
37. Shag getting bitch-slapped on his huge forehead in The Central.
38. Laze drinking Hooch like it was 1996.
39. Fun Bobby not understanding Twitter and calling tweets and tweeting "Twins" and "Twinning".
40. Tweeting (twinning) loads of celebrities with utter nonsense, asking for re-tweets and often ending the request by getting their name wrong.
41. Electro Kid's tweet (twin) at 3.30am to Tiger Woods that had Quick Buck and Image laughing uncontrollably for at least 30 mins – cleverly recalling something Bluff actually said and did during a game of golf on the last Newquay trip:- "@TigerWoods – Y’alright boy? Chalk me up a ten, I’m going for a shit".
42. Stu and Shag behaving like two seagulls begging for more scraps as Quick Buck fed them half of his cowdog mixture.
43. Plastic BB bullets once again flying around the rooms and the emergence once again of Electro Kid's evil sniper look first seen at the Butlins stag do.
44. Room 4 becoming the place to be on Friday night, even though it was the smallest room with no working TV.
45. Safety first in the Offshore Hostel: Windows glued shut.
46. On Saturday morning after a horrific drinking session the night before, D-Tox already up at 9am with a beer and a fag.
47. On Twitter, a global platform with millions of things trending, our feeble attempt to get '#sess' trending.
48. Electro Kid in his extremely ripped forfeit shirt being told to cover up by the bar staff in Walkabout.
49. Fun Bobby's shirt scrunched up in a heap by the counter at a pizza place, casually being trodden on by Bluff, unbeknown to him.

50. The phrase "Retwin the hashtag".
51. Deciding on drinks in Walkabout: "Shots? No. Pints? No. Pitchers? Yesss".
52. Elaine the 60 year old taxi driver giving out kisses like sweets.
53. Pete's Tweets Taxis cutting off our free travel credit line after Raj from 'Killi Billi Volume 1' said "What it is yeah, is this yeah. That's enough taxis now Peter".
54. Stu voicing his disapproval at the Kiri-terribilli: "By the look of those scars on his face, it's not the first time he's failed to honour a booking".
55. Fun Bobby's 'Indian food' (which was a £10 omelette).
56. Breakfast rage in Sailors.
57. Being asked "Are you guys doing a bad shirt night?" and replying "No, why?".
58. The two hotel randomers who were forced to join in the bad shirt photos... but then explained they were actually wearing their favourite Saturday night clothes.
59. One of the daytime bar/club promoters handing out fliers asking Image "Are you guys out tonight?" and Image replying "Nah, we're staying in".
60. General faffing.
61. Stu, Laze and Shag arriving at room 16 of the Off-Colour Hostel to find the top drawer of the chest of drawers having some pubic hairs in it and a poo smear in the second drawer. They dared not look in the third.
62. Happy Larry phoning Stu when he arrives: "I'm here, what's the plan?". Stu: "Are you at Killi Billi Volume 1?". Happy Larry: "Yeah." Stu: "Oh, we're not living there anymore".
63. The Offshore's cryptic wireless password of "offshore1".
64. Asking the staff in Sainsbury's "Where's your Vodka and Red Bull department?".
65. On the way home, Laze indicating right, then moving left from the middle lane of the M5.
66. Table service from the fit bum girl at Fistral beach.
67. The 'sex witch' being a MASSIVE liar.
68. Happy Larry's total lack of regard for his own wellbeing when he gets wasted.
69. The Electro Kid stag do formula: Electro Kid + first night of a stag do = totally, totally wasted, sleep in random place + guaranteed vomit.
70. Cafe disco, Room 4, Friday.
71. Image asking in Belushi's "Can I get two Jäger Bombs?". Barman returns with two. Image: "And another one please?". Barman returns with a third". Image: "And another one please?". Barman returns with a fourth, looking very annoyed". Image then asks Stu: "D'you wanna Jäger Stuartsssss". Stu: "Yeah ok". Image to barman "And another one please?". Barman explodes "FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!". Image just laughs at him.

72. After stopping for Image to be sick on the way home, he says to Electro Kid "Have you been sick too?". Electro Kid replies "No, I haven’t been sick for at least 24 hours now".
73. No wardrobes or hangers in the rooms of the Off-Colour Hostel, and no towels either.
74. Bluff, Cyber-Dog and D-Tox's shower actually being immediately in their bedroom in a grotty cubicle next to where they sleep.
75. Electro Kid discussing D-Tox's wedding in Kenya "I’ve not been to Africa"... [pauses]... "What’s in Africa"? Hero: "Black people".
76. The Maharajah curry house being mispronounced as the "Mujahideen".
77. Finding Mini-Win (a smaller Bluff look-alike), followed by a sighting of Fake George (D-Tox).
78. The General liking his forfeit shirt better than the one he tried to get away with wearing.
79. Hero's bad shirt just being a sickly waistcoat.

80. The mechanical expertise of Quick Buck and Image when Chuggsy broke down upon leaving. Lift up the seats to get to the engine, do nothing more than look at the engine from a distance for a minute or two, try the ignition, van starts, declare it "fixed".
81. Bluff being in such a daze when the taxi came to take us to the curry house that he tried to open the big wooden gate at the side of the hotel in the direction of Pete’s car, which was clearly parked right up to it. Then standing there confused not being able to figure out how to get out until he was told to simply open the gate the other way.
82. Hearing Laze's frustration through the hotel walls in the morning... "What is wrong with this bloody shower?".
83. Comparing comedy shirts the night before, someone saying "Ugghh, look at that one hanging there". Fun Bobby then shouting: "Oi, that's my real shirt for tonight".
84. Image's Bar making a comeback once again on an overturned drawer.

85. Lastly, not part of the stag do but closely related. Six months later seeing Raj from the Kirribilli on TV taking part in the 5 episode B&B programme 'Four In A Bed' and watching him get absolutely slated as an arrogant, bullshitting cock from day 1, seeing his B&B get absolutely slated as a shit-hole on day 3, and Raj then pulling out of the show on day 4 as everybody hated him. Since then, subsequent comments flooding the Internet from viewers about what a loser he is.