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If you’ve ever heard stories about the Irish taxi drivers, take it from us, they’re under-exaggerated! We’ve been driven down tram lanes by nutter taxi’s in Amsterdam, ripped off by taxi’s in Prague, but never before have we ever, ever experienced anything like this. Alan was our taxi drivers name, short for “Al ‘a need another Guinness” we think. As he tear-arsed along, it was all quiet in the back. Until Hero starts... “Take us here mate” he says, handing the driver a Clubflat card. “Cub-fat, Cub-fat” says the driver in the broadest, gruffest Irish accent you’ve ever heard. “Where tha fook is dat? I don’t knor no Cub-fat”. As some people in the taxi giggled and some people were just plain scared, the taxi driver then grabbed his mic. “Paddy, Paddy, you there pal”. “I’m here alreet Alan so I is” was the reply. “Paddy, have you heard of a Cub-fat” Alan says, driving at 90 miles an hour while looking down at the Clubflat card in his hand. By now we just couldn’t believe it, surely he was having us on. But no, he truly wasn’t! “It’s a website” shouts Hero, pissing himself with laughter. “Ohhh, so you tha joker in tha pack so you are, so you aren’t” Alan replies. “To be sure, to be sure” says Hero in his dodgiest Irish accent. “Your momma musta dropped you on your head then is it?” quirks Alan. And so it began, the Irish humour had been let out the bag. Not only did this guy sound like he had last nights Guinness still in him, but he had more stories to tell than Pinocchio. And boy do the Irish tell them well. They’re like American 30 minute commercials but in wacky Irish lingo! Alan then proceeds to tell us the hilarious story about a mate who had the end of his chopper bitten off by a bird who had an unfortunate epileptic fit while sucking him off. And that was just for starters. “It’s the way I tell em” says Alan, laughing like Jimmy Cricket gone wrong. Soon we neared the apartments and Alan waits to pull out in a dual carriageway alongside the Liffey River. No cars coming, he doesn’t pull out. Still no cars, he doesn’t pull out. All looking clear, he still doesn’t pull out. GREAT BIG FUCK-OFF MONSTER SIZE JUGGERNAUT WITH HUGE CRANE ARM STICKING OUT ON TOP OF IT TEARING DOWN THE ROAD, ALAN PULLS OUT!! Laura simply shat herself on the spot, the rest had their eyes shut, still laughing somewhat at Alan’s last story. And that pretty much sums up the journey from the airport to the apartments. Funny, crazy, scary, silly, dangerous, stupid, wild, unbelievable, insane. Best of all, it’ll be Alan taking us back in 3 days time!

Pic’s containing Clubflat cards on this page: 3


Cub-fat? Where tha fook is dat paddy?

No-one dared open their eyes till we got there

Stef thought she would never see in her 21st

Seatbelts were of little use in this crazy cab

Crazy Alan, one hell of a crazy, crazy, but funny guy

Steroid needs a seat and a stiff brandy after that ride

Oh crap! It's Alan taking us home again! Dressed like Freddy Krueger too!